Not Just a Mom's Group
By Carla Alvarez
I know how it is, we get busy taking care of the kids, the house, the pets. There are school events, church events, and work events. You have all the responsibilities of getting yourself in order and then multiply that by a factor of two, three, four, and so on, for each of your children (and sometimes the husband). Sometimes there are events on the MOYC calendar that you would love to attend, but it takes a lower priority than everything else on your list.
However, the interaction and support from other parents that are going through the same thing is very valuable, even more so when you consider that many of us are transplants in the area and without extended family nearby.
The Institute of Human Development at the University of Berkeley has been conducting an ongoing study since 1979 on the impact that parenthood has on a marriage, as well as the impact that marital status has on children.
The study, led by Caroline and Philip Cowan, has found that the pressures related to parenting have increased over the past 20 years, and this increased stress can lead to more marital discord, and possibly divorce.
One group of families that participated in the study attended group sessions with other parents one hour a week for six months. There were no divorces in this group for three years after the birth of their first child, as compared to a 15 percent divorce rate in the group that did not participate in the group sessions.
The Cowans found that the children in families with marital discord experienced a higher rate of socialization and behavior problems when attending school. They also found that the children in the group of families that received the benefit of the support group in those six months had a lower rate of behavior problems in kindergarten and higher test scores through the fourth grade.
So the point is, support is important!
For those of us that are blessed with strong-willed, independent children who never miss an opportunity to explore and discover (or destroy) , it’s nice to know that we are not the only ones experiencing this and that our children’s exploits are more a function of their unique personalities than our parenting skills.
Other kids have colored on walls, pulled stuffing out of pillows, tried to carry their baby sister, redecorated someone else’s house (if we ever come to your house, just make sure there is no paint in sight), resisted potty training, thrown tantrums, bit, kicked and scratched. I’m not the only one that has experienced it, and neither are you. But when you are right in the middle of one of these situations it is easy to forget.
After my book club or the general meeting, I can be calm in the middle of two tiny girls that can sound like a couple of screaming banshees. After two weeks without any “kid-free” time, “calm” would not be the word to describe me. I’m also muttering, asking myself why a 30-year-old man can’t put his socks in the hamper when my 3-year-old does.
Talking to other moms and wives helps put it all in perspective.
So the next time you are considering writing off your supper club or bunco group, or can’t make the playgroup, think twice about it. Make time for yourself.
The latest results from the Cowan’s study can be found in their book, “When Partners Become Parents.”
If you would like to contribute an article for “Mommy Tips,” please contact Carla Alvarez at 281.348.9097 or cma01@kingwoodcable.net
